I have fond memories of riding to a local deli to play NBA Jam. I had played it several times before at other arcades, and again when it came home to the Genesis and SNES. But when my deli got the arcade cabinet, I started craving that arcade experience again. I also started craving hot dogs, but that's an issue for Really Hungry Monthly.

Harlem Globetrotters bills itself as a game based on a style of basketball that has been seen by over 120 million people worldwide. It bills itself as a unique and stylish baller – a game to jump in and be excited by. And maybe, just maybe, it would have been that game if had been released 15 or 20 years ago. But today it is nothing more than another game to add to the pile of GBA releases that are here one year, and forgotten by the next.

NBA Jam Without The Jam

I like jam. All the flavors – strawberry, raspberry, Midway. It's all good. What I don't like are copycat jams. They look, or at least try to look, like my favorite spread. But the minute I bite into my toast it hits me: this isn't the real thing. This is some cheap off brand that doesn't include any real fruit. It's just a bunch of artificial flavors.

Typically these words would be too harsh. But Harlem Globetrotters doesn't merely take a good game style and remove everything we love about it. The game also plays ineffectively, inaccurately, and very sporadically.

Allow me to explain. This is a two-on-two game of b-ball. You pass the ball and shoot. You can steal, and your opponents can do the same. Ok, that's basketball. There isn't much a developer can do to change the framework. I've got no problem with that. The thing that gets me is what happens when I take a shot. I press the A button and my player leaps into the air. Not in the cool, stylish way that NBA Jam did it 15+ years ago. Nope, these guys leap into the air as if they were frogs. They appear to jump higher than the net simply because the net is placed in a funny angle. The weird proportions aid in the game's unrealistic presentation.

But let me clarify: when all is sound in the way of gameplay, I am perfectly Ok with, and wholeheartedly support a lack of realism. This isn't Madden or NBA Live – why worry about the trivial?

Going back to the leap, pressing the A button once is not enough. You don't hold and release to shoot, defying most logic set by previous basketball games. Perhaps Harlem Globetrotters is trying to be a rebel? That'd work out well if their rebellious actions were effective. To shoot, you need to press the A button, watch your player's leap closely, and press the A button again before he lands.

I probably sound lazy for not liking this style. Two button taps – why complain about that? But I've grown accustomed to the controls of other basketball games. And though it's easy to land shots and dunks, you never know when the game is going to wig out. It jumps from time to time, sputtering like a bug trapped in a cup. They're brief sputters that end quickly, but it's a sputter nonetheless. It jerks you out of the action, and is almost dizzying.

Is there anything good to say about this game? Sadly, there isn't. I can't recommend this game to anyone - not even to fans of the Harlem Globetrotters.

Gameplay: 3.0
Released 20 years too late, Harlem Globetrotters is a bore and a technological mess.

Graphics: 2.0
Indiscernible character models and boring backgrounds. (It’s better than stick figures, I suppose.)

Sound: 3.0
Bad, generic blips and garbled sounds.

Difficulty: Easy
Tap two buttons to shoot. Oh what a challenge. Stupid AI doesn’t help.

Concept: 1.0
Let’s take everything we know about NBA Jam, butcher it, and plaster a new name on the box.

Overall: 2.7
It’s unlikely that you’ll even see this one in stores, but just in case you do, here’s a word of advice: avoid! Forget this one exists. If you need a basketball fix, look elsewhere. Better yet: dig out your 16-bit console and play NBA Jam.